4 months can feel like a long time. Right now we're approx. 4 months from our move to Canada. I'm filled with both excitement and dread. I'm nervous about the immigration issues, but from what research I have been able to do it seems like we won't have too much trouble. I never want to lie though, being caught in a lie is MUCH worse than being truthful and them not liking what they hear. But how in the world are we going to manage to get Julie into Canada without them giving her a hard time becase of my time here??? I suppose the best method would be a passport for Julie, at least then they can see she's not a horrible person.

And then we have to face the application and Julie's court records from her spat with Cheryl. Gawd, I can't believe all of that happened. But she had it coming. And she knows Julie can have a temper...plus we were so stressed out at the time, with her job hunting, not having any money and what she did get from EI was being cut back due to a stupid overpayment way back when she lived with her brother and their mom died.

Gawd, Julie has had it hard. Her mom's husband sexually abused her for 4 years, somthing that even I know very little about. She won't talk about it. She says that she did all the talking she needed to with the psycologist. I don't press the subject.
I suppose it's easier for me to talk about my abuse since I was only physically abused. I don't want to say that it's less then her abuse, but I think the scars aren't as deep as they are with sexual. Although in the last few months I have started putting together the pieces of vauge memories of my childhood, and although it's foggy, I am allmost certain now that I was sexually abused. I was so young though. I should try hypnosis.

It seems the journey is only just beginning. I long to be on a train, with my discman playing Norah, sketchbook and pencil in hand, watching the blur of green as the trees fly by. And across from me sits Julie, her CD player going...I look at her green eyes, and they're unfocused. She's inside a daydream, and she's very very happy. We've lived in this fuge state for so long...3 years seems alot longer when time resfuses to pass well. It seems sometimes that our fufure life is a daydream itself. But it's not, it's 4 months away now. Sometimes when I am hopeful, it feels so short. And some days, so long. All I know is, I am ready for what's coming for us. I breathe deeply, stand tall, and strut forward.


Because that is what I do.